Christmas is almost here. It’s time for lights, freshly baked delights, music, snow, and sunshine--depending on where you live.
Unfortunately, you might be dreading time with family or friends? If so, I hope to offer a few tips for making it through those big family feasts and get-togethers in one piece.
In addition to our already busy lives, the holidays bring more activity, work, and socializing to the table.
It’s been a busy year for me. I have been traveling back and forth between Florida and Vegas, writing feverishly, and helping with my grandchildren, so thinking about decorations, baking, and putting up a tree seem overwhelming this year.
But like you, I also want to be festive and merry and enjoy Christmas and time with family and friends.
I love the holidays. It brings back warm memories of time with family and adventures in the snow at my grandparents’ farm in Maine.
I don’t want to be a Grinch.
According to the American Psychological Association, financial concerns and worrying about family conflict both play a huge role in levels of stress for many folks.
Hurtful words from family, whether in the past or currently, can trigger shame and anger and intensify resentments that already exist.
If it’s any consolation, I haven’t found one perfect family. Each of us are flawed and depending on our history or the history of those around us, we can also trigger other people.
It’s all about our background, history, and the traumas we have experienced.
And yet, if there are friends and family that tear you down repeatedly and cause irreparable damage, avoid their company if possible.
But it isn’t always realistic to avoid everyone that triggers us.
Accepting that some people are not capable of giving us what we need or want is the first step in our own healing. Acceptance helps us get past the damaging effects resentment can create.
Bitterness and resentment are not our friends. They cause health problems and should be avoided at all costs.
If it is any consolation, you could be friends with the very same personalities that you detest within your family members, but friends might be easier to tolerate because you don’t have a history with them, therefore, you don’t have years of resentment, anger, and bitterness built up inside you.
You see them differently than their own family might see them.
Being in the same room with someone who has hurt us isn't easy. We have a natural tendency to want to clear the air, make things right, and to receive justice for those hurts.
This isn't always possible because some folks do not change.
Therefore, I’ll offer a few tips to help you enjoy this festive time without losing your mind.
1. Set boundaries and have an escape plan
2. Don’t try to win all the battles—ignore what you can
3. Try to bring out in the person what you do like about them
4. Distract and change the subject
5. Find the good in the moment you are in (there is always something to be joyous about)
6. Set your own traditions
7. Give yourself something to look forward to
8. Accept what you cannot change
9. Enjoy the food (trivial, I know, but worth mentioning)
I hope some of these tips help you look forward to the upcoming holiday. Life is all about finding moments to cherish. Wonderful and precious times you will remember for the rest of your life.
Merry Christmas,
Lori
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